On The Airbands

Mark Wagener of Werribee in Victoria supplies this next story. It was heard by him on Melbourne Control frequency 128. 5 late on a Sunday evening.

An Air New Zealand DC-8 cargo aircraft was ex-Melbourne en route to Sydney with a load of racehorses. TE 623: “Melbourne Control, New Zealand six two three on climb to flight level three seven zero. ”

Control: “New Zealand six two three, good evening, this is Melbourne Control, report leaving flight level one one zero, climb to three seven zero. ”

TE 623: “New Zealand six two three, one one, for three seven. ” Shortly afterwards, the DC-8 is heard to call “leaving one one zero”, while the controller is kept busy with a Thai 747 crew, who seem unfamiliar with the Melbourne FIR. With what only seemed to Mark Wagener as three minutes having passed, the controller enquires as to the DC-8s flight level and is told “New Zealand six two three, left level three one five!” The controller then speaks in a surprised tone: Controller: “Is that a normal DC-8?” TE 623: “Yeah, well actually we are a little light tonight, with only one container below. ”

Control: “And a few extra horse power. ” The concluding scene must have been one fast DC-8 jet, with two pilots and a flight engineer sporting massive grins and the smart controller, once again back to his job of vectoring the Asian heavy. As Mark correctly observes, “There’s just no way out with some of these ATC super wits. ”

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Phil Goldberg of Randwick NSW now contributes. Qantas 22 had just left the taxiway and while entering the northern apron at the international terminal and duly contacted SMCA on 122. 3.

QF 22: “Sydney ground, Qantas two two. ” SMCA: “Qantas two two, bay one eight. ”

QF 22: “I didn’t even know you HAD a bay one eight!” Then there was the story about the 707 Captain with the sense of humour. Boeing 707 aircrew will remember the clatter and grinding that would emanate from the empennage of the great beast when on a particularly vigorous approach. This was largely caused by the screw jack system that operated the elevators and was often a cause of concern to novice flight attendants of the era. The scene in question had our accomplished Captain bringing in his 707 during a rather fierce storm at Hong Kong. With every nerve twitched and muscles flexed, man handling the big jet between the rain squalls and wind gust over the populace of Hong Kong, the Captain is confronted with a junior hostess racing into the cockpit announcing – “Captain, there is a massive grinding noise coming from the back of the aeroplane!” Yells the Captain, without even interrupting his immense concentration on combatting the gyrations of the Boeing, “Well jolly well pull them apart!”

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Scene: 150 nautical miles east of Sydney and 120 miles east, two diverging heavy jets, both 747s, outbound from Sydney and speaking to Sydney Control. AIRCRAFT 1: Sydney Control, Spirit four six is requesting further climb to flight level three niner zero. SYDNEY CONTROL: Spirit four six, standby one. AIRCRAFT 2: And Sydney Control, Spirit one one is suffering from similar flight level delusions. Request flight level three seven zero. And now, another contribution from our Qantas First Officer . . . across the Atlantic. . . CONTROL: “Silverbird five-hundred, this is London Control, we’re having receiver problems, could you give us a short count?” A/C: “Oh yes . . . Silverbird 500 . . . how about Toulouse-Lautrec?”

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And now we’re on our final approach! Our last situation comes from E K Manuel, of Darra, Queensland, one of my favourite states. Scene: ANZAC Iroquois helicopter serving with Sinai peacekeeping force, returning to its base, at that time in the Egyptian Control Zone, located at El Gorah. AC: “El Gorah Tower, Mike Foxtrot Oscar 884, five miles south, inbound. ” TOWER: “Mike Foxtrot Oscar 884, where you from?” AC: “El Gorah. ” (Egyptian controller now pondering on a problem. . . ) TOWER: “Mike Foxtrot Oscar 884 . . . where you going?” AC: “El Gorah. ” (Egyptian controller now thinking very hard) TOWER: “Mike Foxtrot Oscar 884, you from El Gorah?” AC: “Yes. ” (Egyptian controller now acting like lawyer in ·training. . . ) TOWER: “Mike Foxtrot Oscar 884, you go to El Gorah?” AC: “Yes. ” (Egyptian controller now really confused. . . ) TOWER: “You wish land El Gorah?” AC: “Affirmative, Mike Foxtrot Oscar 884, we wish to land El Gorah!” (Egyptian controller – now totally befuddled – gives up. . . ) TOWER: “Mike Foxtrot Oscar 884, clear land!