Tales

One way in which a pilot can be prepared for what he may hear is to try and think like the controller concerned. This may even involve mentally applying the local accent to location names etc so that they are more easily understood when heard. In trying to think with an accent, there is also the risk that you will at some stage try to talk with it too. More than one pilot, including myself, has fallen into this trap.

This is exactly what happened to the captain of a RAAF Hercules on its way across India to the Middle East. The aircraft was on descent to Bombay where it would refuel before continuing onto Bahrain. On this particular leg, the copilot was flying the aeroplane, so the captain was doing the normal copilot duties, including operating the radios. He was also, quite unconsciously, developing a very pronounced Indian.

accent.

Each radio call received from the Indian controller would be with a Peter Sellers like parody of the man’s own accent. This went on for some time, with no comment from the controller concerned; that is, not until after the aircraft had landed and was taxying to its parking bay.

As the crew were completing the af- ter landing checks, the tower controller got his own back with the following message: “Aussie 123 – After you are shutting down, please be having the copilot report to operations and he had better bloody well be velly black!” The crew were certain that the controller was only kidding. But for some reason the captain found it positively necessary to personally supervise the refuelling while the others went to operations for flight planning. (AEdwards, Revesby)

Encore

In my youth in England, I spent much of my spare time visiting my local airport, Manchester and various airshows around the UK.

On one visit to Manchester I watched a BA Boeing 707 having a tyre change. The ground engineers changed the tyre and put the ‘flat’ into their vehicle and began to drive off. The tyre fell out, they put it back in, they drove off, it fell out.

This happened about three times. I told a few of my plane spotting buddies who joined me in watching. After several more attempts of trying the tyre in different positions in the back of the vehicle, the engineer decided to sit on the tyre in the back. They drove off, the plane spotters and myself began clapping and cheering. The engineer stood up, took a bow and promptly fell out of the vehicle along with the tyre. (Paul Cavanagh, Alindga Beach)

Bombs away

A Cessna 206 A few years ago six of us from a local skydiving club were climbing to 7000ft in a Cessna 206. We were about to jump into a sports field in front of a large crowd awaiting a fireworks display.

Our new pilot (a pretty young lady) seemed a bit nervous, she obviously was not used to wearing a parachute and flying with the door off. At the time we were over a built up area with not many alternative landing areas.

Two kilometres from the drop zone the Cessna turned into wind and we all got up on our knees with consequently very little room to move. One of our members was wearing a smoke bomb taped to his foot. As we came over the tached) out the door and pulled the pin. There is normally a delay of three seconds before the bomb goes off, as nothing had happened after five seconds or so Tim pulled hislegbackintosee what was wrong.

With a loud hiss the bomb went off and instantly filled the cockpit with blinding orange smoke and sparks. Someone shouted get out to Tim, the pilot next to me screamed and started to undo her seatbelt and swung sideways trying to get out. She naturally thought the aircraft was on fire and about to explode.

Someone gave Tim a friendly push out the door. Another quickly explained to our agitated pilot about the bomb as the rest of us exited the aircraft and what a sight that 206 made as I fell away from her. After I opened I counted five other canopies which meant that the 206 flying away from me fortunately still had a pilot. (Keith Breeze, Auckland)

Say again!

A true character of our wide skies was FC Braund. In fact his initials once served as the registration on a Mustang in which he spiritedly enlivened the airshow circuit for some years.

Many of his priceless verbal sallies were enhanced, if not dependant upon, an engaging speech impediment that was more a hesitation that a stutter. Here are two typical FCB tales: Scene One FCB is just past enroute to Moree and attempting a position report, dragging it out more than can be conveyed in print.

“Ahhh Ssssydney, Ffffoxtrot Charlie mmmm B. . . ravo, w. . . as G. . . unnedah at f. . . ive eight, eight th. . . ousand f. . . ive ahh hundred, ahhh estimaate N. . . arrabri at z. . ero ahhh d. . d. . ammit, w. . . w. . . e’re there. ” Scene Two Back of Bourke where FCB is attempting to pass an ops nor- and much yabber on the only usable mal report despite poor HF conditions sports ground, Tim who was wearing the smoke bomb and sitting in the doorway, hung his foot (with the bomb at-quency. Sydney Flight Service has been trying to raise its opposite number at Lord Howe Island and vice versa on a matter of apparent urgency with both operator’s voices becoming more strained as they attempt to be heard. SYDNEY FS: “Lord Howe, Lord Howe this is Sydney, this is Sydney on eight eight. ” Do you have a tale to tell? If so then share it with the world by sending it in to ‘Tales’, Australian Aviation, PO Box 3105, Weston Creek, ACT, 2611 or by fax on (06) 288 2021.

Readers who have their tales published will receive a six issue subscription with our compliments. Current subscribers will, of course, have six issues added to their cur- rent sub.

You can remain anonymous if you prefer and the editor naturally has the right to edit material as required. So go to it, tell us your favourite aviation tale and join in the fun.

LORD HOWE FS: “Sydney, Sydney this is Lord Howe, this is Lord Howe, do you read Lord Howe?” This fruitless exchange takes place many times. Finally a droll distinctive voice penetrates the airwaves: “L. . . . Lord ahh ahh Howe I wish you’d sh. . ut up. ” (JD Williams, Hobart)