How not to put your foot in it

It is a minefield for those lacking innate soft skills. But it is a skill, I feel, that can be taught.

In environments where women are a minority, or where the balance of power is held by their male counterparts, the difficulty in appreciating what is safe to verbalise is exacerbated.

You might think “just be professional’, and in a simple world you may be right. But our world is not that simple; our communication styles are peppered with humour, innuendo, undertone and emphasis. Two people saying the same thing but delivering it with a different tone will be perceived differently. English, the language of aviation, is anything but simple and direct. It is filled with flourish and connotation.

Within airlines, a world where women remain a distinct minority, it is an obstacle course both parties are required to navigate daily and one that requires clarification.

Case in point: I spoke to a pilot last year who, in an attempt to make the only female pilot on his type-rating course feel more included (she had stated that she felt somehow outside the clique), joked with her as he would with one of the boys. When I heard what he said, I knew straight away that he should not have said it. In hindsight he did as well. At the time, he genuinely thought he was trying to help. It was pure luck that it went no further because it could have. One rather innocent mistake could have become an official blot on his record.

In the cabin, interacting with the wider public is even less regulated as the public are just that: public. They are not answerable to a higher power such as an employer. I do believe our wonderful and highly trained cabin crew, who bear the brunt of public interaction, should regularly remind said public that it is they who take charge during an inflight emergency and it is they who will revive them in a medical event. Respect is key.

In aviation we use the phrase “situational awareness” (SA), which means being aware of what is occurring around you, not just what you are specifically doing/saying at that time. This thinking can help in the communication dilemma faced by us all at this pointy end in PC history. A way to gain SA is to set a few questions or actions for yourself so that you have in place a personal standard for the way in which you interact with others. The suggested list below may help you become more adept or perceptive in how you communicate.

(Let me be clear, I am in no way referring to or advocating these guides in relation to unadulterated harassment – of a sexual nature or any other. There is no ambiguity there. It is never acceptable. Report it.)

Here are a few guiding questions I ask myself in my day-to-day verbal communications, all emails and social media:

Feeling emotional? Step away. Say nothing, do nothing till that emotion passes.

Is my humour appropriate? If I am wondering that, then it probably isn’t.

Would I speak to my grandparent in the manner? If not, don’t do it.

Will this help achieve the outcome I want? In other words is it constructive?

Has this happened before? If it is part of a pattern I can identify then I need to take it further. If a one-off, I will shut it down now. (In my world everyone gets one chance as none of us is perfect).

In addition to these, I mostly try to take any reference to gender out of my conversation. In all honesty there are very few occasions when it is relevant or required.

To this day, I have people on LinkedIn asking me if I am single or telling me I am pretty, which of course is not appropriate on a site dedicated to careers and professionals. Long ago I decided not to take offence at these misdemeanours, instead, deciding to use each one as a teaching opportunity.

My response might look a little like this (and I always respond): ‘This is a professional platform, please ensure your correspondence is on a professional level at all times’. It is a direct response that is unambiguous for a person who is lacking that innate or intuitive sensibility around appropriate professional communication standards. No, I don’t block them – that’s the one chance I spoke about earlier. If they continue in any way I will block and report them to the platform.

Ultimately, each of us is required to set our own standards in life. We must empower ourselves to do so. Once we have set those we are less likely to intrude with what could be perceived as offensive, malicious, aggressive or sexual in any way. We are also less likely to be swayed by the confusing power of peer pressure.

Stand your ground, uphold your standards and if in doubt, say nothing.

‘English, the language of aviation, is anything but simple and direct.’