Tales

Over the Side

This is a true story, believe it or not and was told to me by one of the British blokes I work with. He was in the RAF and spent much of his career working on Shackleton long range maritime patrol aircraft. The story goes that there was a Shackleton out on patrol one day and after another obviously boring patrol they spotted an American aircraft carrier cruising along. So to relieve the boredom and have a bit of fun they decided to carry out a simulated approach to the carrier. Now you can imagine the reaction of Americans on seeing this Shackleton approaching with gear and flaps down, having tracked it on radar for a time but not having actually made radio contact with it, and with one or two engines shutdown, lining up for what looks like a landing on their carrier! They naturally think it’s in trouble and needs to make an emergency landing. So the Americans start clearing the flight deck, which includes pushing a few aircraft over the side. The Shackleton then executes a missed approach and continues on patrol and returns to its base. Rumour had it that the pilots apparently did very little flying after that and one can only imagine what was said on board the carrier! (Glenn Betts, Sultanate of Oman)

Can’t Take a Trick

This story is about the time I was on a Fokker Friendship flight – it was probably back as far as the Airlines of NSW days. I had done a day trip to Casino and was on the evening flight back to Sydney having missed lunch and was very hungry. Dinner was served with the usual knives and forks in a sealed bag and I undid and used mine. The chap next to me didn’t touch his meal and I opened conversation by saying “Not hungry mate?” He told me he was a nervous flyer and was so churned up he couldn’t eat. I told him I was a regular flyer and generally liked the airline food because I usually managed to miss meals while travelling as I had that day. He then asked if I wanted to eat his meal as well and I was hungry enough to think “why not”. But all we did was swap over the plates with main and dessert and the roll etc. I kept my knife and fork etc so all he had of mine were the dirty plates and opened butter sachet etc. He still had all his knives and forks in their sealed packet. I didn’t give it a thought at the time but later when the hostie (as they were then) came to pick up the plates, she paused, looked at him, then his tray and him again and said “Sir would you like a hand towel?” – no smile dead straight expression. I just cracked up, he gave me a filthy look and another to the hostie. I stopped laughing and the hostie picked up both trays and left without further comment. The bloke was red in the face, jaws and fists clenched. Further conversation was impossible. If the poor bloke was a nervous flyer, I’ll take the prize for being the most unhelpful neighbour he ever had. I always remember the incident because they still put the utensils in those little bags. (Peter Sebhens, Putney)

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