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Over the Side
This is a true story, believe it or not and was told to me by one of the British blokes I work with. He was in the RAF and spent much of his career working on Shackleton long range maritime patrol aircraft. The story goes that there was a Shackleton out on patrol one day and after another obviously boring patrol they spotted an American aircraft carrier cruising along. So to relieve the boredom and have a bit of fun they decided to carry out a simulated approach to the carrier. Now you can imagine the reaction of Americans on seeing this Shackleton approaching with gear and flaps down, having tracked it on radar for a time but not having actually made radio contact with it, and with one or two engines shutdown, lining up for what looks like a landing on their carrier! They naturally think it’s in trouble and needs to make an emergency landing. So the Americans start clearing the flight deck, which includes pushing a few aircraft over the side. The Shackleton then executes a missed approach and continues on patrol and returns to its base. Rumour had it that the pilots apparently did very little flying after that and one can only imagine what was said on board the carrier! (Glenn Betts, Sultanate of Oman)
Can’t Take a Trick
This story is about the time I was on a Fokker Friendship flight – it was probably back as far as the Airlines of NSW days. I had done a day trip to Casino and was on the evening flight back to Sydney having missed lunch and was very hungry. Dinner was served with the usual knives and forks in a sealed bag and I undid and used mine. The chap next to me didn’t touch his meal and I opened conversation by saying “Not hungry mate?” He told me he was a nervous flyer and was so churned up he couldn’t eat. I told him I was a regular flyer and generally liked the airline food because I usually managed to miss meals while travelling as I had that day. He then asked if I wanted to eat his meal as well and I was hungry enough to think “why not”. But all we did was swap over the plates with main and dessert and the roll etc. I kept my knife and fork etc so all he had of mine were the dirty plates and opened butter sachet etc. He still had all his knives and forks in their sealed packet. I didn’t give it a thought at the time but later when the hostie (as they were then) came to pick up the plates, she paused, looked at him, then his tray and him again and said “Sir would you like a hand towel?” – no smile dead straight expression. I just cracked up, he gave me a filthy look and another to the hostie. I stopped laughing and the hostie picked up both trays and left without further comment. The bloke was red in the face, jaws and fists clenched. Further conversation was impossible. If the poor bloke was a nervous flyer, I’ll take the prize for being the most unhelpful neighbour he ever had. I always remember the incident because they still put the utensils in those little bags. (Peter Sebhens, Putney)
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No Respect for the Elderly
During the time of the Vietnam War, No 41 Squadron RNZAF was operating antique Bristol Freighter transports from its base at Changi in Singapore. Operations for 41 Squadron took the New Zealand aircraft throughout South East Asia on transport support tasks, including remote bases in South Vietnam. One day, one of the bulbous nosed Freighters landed at a small American airfield in the southern Mekong Delta region of Vietnam. The surprised American controller asked “Say, buddy, what type of airplane is that?” “It’s a Bristol Freighter”, replied the proud Kiwi captain. “Goddam”, spat out the Yank, “did you build it yourself?” (John Bennett, Florey ACT)
Fast Mover
On arrival at Tullamarine from a recent day business trip to Sydney, I flung a small travel case I had taken with me onto the back seat of my RX-7 and left the car park for home. Later, as I drove through the city, I noticed my tank was nearly empty, called into a nearby service station and asked the attendant to “fill her up”. As he did so he observed the suitcase. “Been travelling?” he enquired replacing the fuel cap. “Yes,” I replied, “just come back from Sydney.” “How long did it take you?” he asked taking my money and delving into his bag for change. I glanced at my watch and noted the time. “Left there two and half hours ago,” I answered. He stepped back sharply, looked at the car, looked at me, the bag, scratched his head in bewilderment and exclaimed, “Cripes mate, you must have been moving.” (N Watkinson, Narre Warren)
Not the Idea
Qantas flew its last 707 trans Tasman service, Auckland/Sydney in 1979. Some weeks prior to the flight it became obvious that demand would exceed seat availability as air transport buffs near and far booked for what would truly be a sentimental journey. Qantas in Auckland telexed head office: “Due heavy demand by aviation buffs for seats on final 707 flight (QF44 AKL-SYD 25 MAR) suggest substitute 747.” (John Williams, Cambridge Tas)
Hot Stuff
A couple of years ago we were staying at Ossima in the Sandaun Province (formerly West Sepik) in PNG. It was Christmas and the village was getting ready for the church ceremonies but there was one problem – where was the priest? One of the workers called up on the radio making some inquiries as to his whereabouts and the response was, “Father’s on HEAT and should be there in about an hour”. An hour later a small plane landed with Father on board and we were very relieved to see HEAT Aviation emblazoned on the aircraft. It seems it was a company owned and flown by a Swedish pilot called Helga. During our last visit to PNG the plane was sitting derelict at Vanimo Airport, probably worn out from being “on heat” for so long. (Anthony Cheevers, Ringwood East)
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