On The Airbands

We were about one minute out of Boston, on climb to our cruising altitude of flight level 330 and the young Aussie was that day on flight announcement duty at the microphone. He put a message to passengers over the PA which we on the flight deck monitored, as usual, and which left us with massive grins on our faces. “Ladies and gentlemen, just an Eastern advisory that this evening In Coach Class, rows 28 to 34, there will be no smoking. If you’re seated in rows 10 to 14, there will be no singing and in rows 14 to 18, no dancing will be permitted. In rows 28 to 34 and 10 to 14, cigarette smoking only is acceptable, but no pipe or cigar smoking will be permitted. Anyone who contravenes these Eastern Air regulations will, I assure you, be asked to step outside the aeroplane!”

Later on, towards the flight’s end, on descent to Miami, our Aussie wit again had the microphone in hand: “I’d like to remind all passengers to please check your overhead lockers and seat pockets in front of you for any carry on luggage, mothers in law, or babies, that may have inadvertently been stowed there at the beginning of the journey. Thank you! I hope you enjoy your stay in Miami. ”

This last effort ‘laid ’em in the aisles’. I made sure I summoned the young guy to the flight deck just after arrival and told him. . . “you Australians sure are crazy. . . you know that. . . and I love it!”

I hope your readers enjoy this and maybe our Aussie flight attendant will decide to come back one day, or at least send some more of your crazy Aussies over here to work for us! (and get our Cup back! Ed)

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A Western Australian Flight Services Officer was monitoring HF frequency 17907 USB on a recent Sunday afternoon, when he copied the following traffic: AC: “Perth, this is Qantas five two on 17907. You wouldn’t happen to have the latest cricket score would you?” PERTH: “Qantas five two, Perth, not to hand . . . but I can getit and selcal you back when I do have it. Where exactly are you?” AC: “Perth, Qantas five two. . . we’re on the ground at Heathrow. . . just about to taxi!” There’s no doubt about these Qantas-trained pilots, they do get the very best in radio propagation training. A lot of Captains I know who work for other airlines would have been fiddling around with totally inappropriate lower frequencies and may never have got through over that particular long-distance contact. Congratulations from us at Australian Aviation Qantas 52!

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One final story from Darryl Wright, who incidentally, lives in Verwoerdburg, South Africa: During 1954, a BEA Viscount was taxying in at Hamburg Airfield and became unsure of its position on the taxiways. A gruff German controller asked the BEA pilot if he’d ever been to Hamburg before.

“Yes”, came the reply. “But that was in 1944 and you weren’t so very friendly then either!”

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Another Flight Service Officer who chooses to remain nameless heard this exchange on HF 6604 USB.

DARWIN: “Mike November Alpha, Darwin, do you read?” (15 seconds later no reply. . . ) DARWIN: “Mike November Alpha, Darwin, do you read?” VH-MNA: “Darwin, this is Mike November Alpha, reading you ONE, go ahead!” Monitored at Christmas time on HF 11396 USB. CATHAY 101: “Darwin, Cathay one oh one. ” DARWIN: “Cathay 101, Darwin, go ahead. ”

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CX101: “Cathay 101, er, roger, er. . . do you er. . . have any traffic at our level, flight level 350?” (Stunned silence from Darwin. . . ) DARWIN: “Cathay 101, Darwin, negative. ” CX101:”Ah, Darwin, Cathay 101, we’ve just passed very close to an unusual type of aircraft. If was in red livery and had a pair of skids for undercarriage. The Captain was dressed in a red flying suit and seemed to have a very long white beard. He actually called us on the VHF, but all he said was ‘Ho Ho Ho! Merry Christmas Darwin!” (Needless to say, it was December 24).

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Australian Airlines Airbus VH-TAD, speaking to Sydney Control on 118. 5 MHz.

AC: “Sydney Control, good afternoon, Tango Alpha Delta, cruising flight level 350. ” SYDNEY CONTROL: “Tango Alpha Delta, Sydney Control, good afternoon, identified one zero miles west of Parkes. Radar indicates you are about three miles to the left of track. ” AC: “Tango Alpha Delta. ” CONTROL: “Just a TAD to the left you might say!” (Silence. . . ) CONTROL: “Aww. . . sorry about that. ” AC: “We’ll forgive. . . this time!” Thank you to Matthew Wilson, from Marrickville NSW.

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Slurred callsigns, monitored on the airbands. Would you have guessed these? Partlisk: Papa Hotel Whiskey (Police helicopter).

Tang-jer-jer: Tango Juliett Juliett (Australian Airlines DC-9).

Perhaps you can add some more to our slurlist!

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Contributory stories please to Bob Bell, 68 Ashby Ave, Yagoona 2199. Good monitoring!