Short Finals

East West claim that they are converting people who ordinarily did not fly over to the airlines, when some of their passengers don’t know the difference between a fellow traveller -and a flight attendant then you can hardly argue that they aren’t tapping into new markets!

No, not another bird strike!

Not· the nine o’clock news either but in an odd way just as offbeat. Most pilots have enough to contend with avoiding strikes but the crew of a Polynesian Airlines Boeing 737 last year had an unexpected encounter with a herd of donkeys while landing at Apia, Eastern Samoa.

Apparently, three donkeys were killed and almost half of one was ingested into the Boeing’s starboard Pratt & Whitney JT8 before the aircraft slowed with fortunately no harm to its passengers or crew. Nighttime jet movements have since been banned by the pilots and a secure fence built to contain unwanted nocturnal visitors while the surviving donkeys have been moved elsewhere to more peaceful surroundings. Definitely a case of Boeing three, donkeys nil!

A case of getting in the last word.

Heard a good story the other night from an old friend who during the early eighties was seconded with the USAF flying F-15 Eagles out of Luke AFB, Arizona.

It seems my friend and the squadron commander were ferrying their F-15s from Luke across the continental USA to Langley AFB, Virginia. The weather that day was fairly unseasonal with a fair degree of turbulence around the 20,000ft to 40,000ft levels. Over the radios came a never-ending succession of airline pilots asking one another whether it was any less turbulent at higher altitudes, etc. This went on for more than an hour while the two Eagle pilots smoothly cruised at FL50 well above the aluminium traffic jam.

With a slight touch of smugness, the F-15 commander came on the airways with the following gem: “To all stations, we’re a couple of Eagles up here at fifty thousand feet, and the weather’s rea. I smooth up here, would ya like to join us?” The Eagle pilots soon had the smiles wiped off their faces though as, after about a ten second silence, an unidentified airline captain smoothly replied – “Hi ya Eagles, up there at fifty thousand feet, we appreciate the air is real smooth up there but how is ya paycheck!”

The final scene has the two Eagles trucking on silently towards Langley without a further word being said.

Fighter jocks can of course be cheeky individuals. Another story that no doubt brought a few beers back in the mess at the time concerns an F-4 Phantom escorting an eight-engined 8-52 over the northern reaches of South Vietnam, circa 1969. It seems that the Phantom crew got tired with just sitting alongside the big bomber and so executed a slow rollover and under the Stratofortress. Completing the precision manoeuvre the Phantom pilot called up the bomber crew and asked if they liked it and that “I bet you can’t do that”. The B-52 skipper thought for a moment and came back with – “No, we can’t do that, but if you can’t do what I arri going to do now then you owe us a case. of Bud, ok?” The Phantom crew laughed at the suggestion and gladly accepted the challenge. Anyway minutes passed and literally nothing happened as both aircraft cruised. on without any sign of the challenge being met. The Phantom pilot by this stage was curious and asked’ “Well when are you·guys going to do something?” The quick reply from the 8-52 was – ‘We just did, didn’t you see us shut down two engines!” A much wiser TAC crew tell me that to this day they can still hear the laughter emanating. from that big bomber as they continued on their mission.

Next Issue. . .

Our big 132 page May edition of course plays host to Part I of the DofA civil aircraft register. Part I lists all aircraft registered A to K while the following issue, July, will list the L to Z aircraft. Also in May will be our annual Major Airline Directory which lists all the first and second level airlines of Australasia and Oceania and is, like all our regular directories; an invaluable reference source throughout the year. We wrap up our Connie Profile, Update the CN-235 utility/commuter aircraft, await the promising ARV light trainer and examine the world of stealth aircraft in Technology Explained. We will also be covering the 60th anniversary of the rapidly expanding Hawker de Havilland organization, reporting on where they have been and where the future is taking our largest aerospace company – don’t miss it!

Then there are all our regular features – Reece, Newsdesk, Yesteryear, Airline Affairs, Warbirds, Rotor Torque, Defence Update, NZ News and Traffic.

The May edition will be on sale early May so order a copy today from your local news agency or subscribe direct and save up to $32 over the course of a three year subscription. Full details are presented on the centrespread insert in this edition.

(Please note that due to technical reasons there may occasionally have to be a variation from the above mentioned content)