Short Finals

Full Circle!

The US Army’s requirement for a battlefield counter-air helicopter certainly makes one think. What they need is a highly mobile helicopter that can shoot down other helicopters and slower attack aircraft as a sidelight.

Watching a recent aerobatic performance by Chris Sperou in his little pits, I was moved to think how just such an aircraft, with a small turbine engine, would go against the best of Richthofen’s era. The outcome of course would not even be contestable as the modern Pitts, and its like, are just sci much more agile, stronger and longer ranging then their combatant forebears of seventy years ago. So, instead of spending millions of dollars per unit on a modified Apache or Cobra, which could perhaps be better used for their initial design purpose, why not simply issue an RFP on a small fixed-wing aircraft to perform the same mission?

If that sounds silly then consider a basic Pitts, or Laser, equipped with an Allison 250, derated for torque and longevity and using the Army’s jet fuel and spares logistics chain: Arm it with a single Minigun and either Sidewinder or Stinger (as suggested for the helos), throw in extra fuel tanks for patrol endurance and away you go for about a half million dollars a unit. The very ‘torquey’ Pitts could operate out of Stol strips and would be highly reliable, far more reliable than any helo. This of course perhaps would be too simple for the real world, not enough gloss and glamour, oh well at least it’s Christmas! •

Seiki Nakagawa, ‘Born Loser’ of the Year

Up till October this year the world had not heard of Seiki Nakagawa. Indeed, if his name doesn’t turn you directly to the conversation then let me introduce the hapless Seiki as the primary cause of that recent A300 decompression incident over Japan.

Fact is often stranger than fiction and this is just one such story. It seems that Seiki, who belongs to Japan’s notorious underworld, was dispatched by his warlords to Manilla to acquire illegal weapons for the boy’s pack home. Apparently, Seiki was not too successful and already had a public relations problem with his gangster bosses. Seiki was understandably not too inspired as to his future longevity upon his return to Japan and thus decided to end it all right there and then – nine kilometres above terra firma in a Thai Airbus.

Seiki then secured himself in one of the rear lavatories, took out a grenade and pulled the pin. A nanosecond later he obviously realised that this was real John Wayne stuff and didn’t like. So he quickly threw the grenade down the toilet just before it exploded. In the midst of the resulting decompression, few noticed the ash-covered figure that drunkenly emerged from the demolished toilet. Seiki is now in the custody of the Tokyo Police where at least he won’t have to fear his Yakuza buddies performing harikari upon his decimated frame!

On the more serious side this was certainly an accident avoided by sound aircraft design and a liberal deal of good old-fashioned luck. The explosion disabled only two of the A300’s three stand-alone hydraulic systems and caused significant structural damage.

Also of interest is that while Nakagawa was in the aft toilet about to enter the next world, the Airbus Captain was in the forward toilet answering a call of nature. He exited the toilet to be confronted by an avalanche of vital in-flight paperwork being sucked through the open cockpit door as the aircraft instantly depressurised. The first officer smoothly took control of the situation and immediately dialled up the navigational flight plan from the A300s bank of CRTs, analyzed the damage control situation on the aircraft’s fault monitoring system and quickly took the appropriate action. In all, this was a fair testimony to the design philosophy of the Airbus two-crew concept and its related computer systems. Certainly not the ideal method of evaluation but good to see it work so well when the pressure’s on.

A Case of Taking It All Too Seriously!

The Bankstown air show of last October certainly played host to an excellent day’s aviation. One of the more humorous occurrences though was certainly off the record.

A favourite at most air shows is the age-old routine where somebody pretends to steal an aircraft, flies it precariously at low level and perhaps throws in a little aerobatics with the boys in blue in hot pursuit, of course. Just such an event took place at Bankstown with Sydney Aerobatic School’s Noel Kruse playing the villain in a ‘stolen’ Pitts. Everything was going fine with the crowd loving every moment of it with the Police Air Wing in pursuit aided by several squad cars on the ground. Finally, Noel was brought back to land and rapidly taxied out of the public’s sight on completion of the routine. What occurred though was straight out of the Keystone Cops as one particular constable had not been informed that this was in fact just all a great caper.

As Noel, who like me is just a little guy, crawled out of his Pitts he spotted this giant constable heading his way at the speed of an inbound E:xocet. Deciding that things were getting awry Noel began to run only to be intercepted by the human cumulus nimbµs! Finally, when the rest of the police arrived, who watched this in horror, it was apologies all round as a heavily bruised Noel decided that this was the last time he would volunteer as the villainous air show aeroplane thief!