On the Airbands

Reaction from you – the reader – to our initial trial article was staggering and truly gratifying. The speed with which mail arrived at our address was amazing, arriving only two days after the magazine had “hit the streets”.

A few quotes of interest “. . You should have had this kind of light-hearted material in the magazine ages ago. . ” or, “You could perhaps extend the guidelines for offerings from readers to encompass tables of incidents witnessed by passengers on airliners. ” Now that’s a good suggestion, and passengers are welcome to contribute with amusing true stories.

The following two episodes are both different in nature and location, but David Gerber from Lindfield NSW will swear on a stack of F-class Boarding Passes that both are true! On VHF Sydney Tower frequency of 120. 5 Mhz, about four years ago, late one Saturday afternoon, during an ATC “Work-to-rule” go slow campaign during an industrial dispute. This was the scene: A string of aircraft lined up for take-off on the taxiway short of the threshold of Runway 16. A massive thunderstorm is forming out over the sea, not too far away. Actually, it’s in the general direction of the runway heading! An American-bound B. 747 is first in the queue for take-off.

Conversation:

SYDNEY TOWER: “Whiteknuckles 123, clear for take off. ” {No reaction from aircraft, so after 45 seconds or so)

SYDNEY TOWER: “White knuckles 123. . clear for IMMEDIATE take off”

{Still no reaction from the direction of Qantas Drive, at the threshhold)

SYDNEY TOWER: “Whiteknuckles 123. . repeat. . clear for IMMEDIATE takeoff. . ” {Finally. . )

WHITE KNUCKLES 123: “Aahhh. . You want me to take off into THAT?!!?”

SYDNEY TOWER: “Affirmative Sir”

WHITE KNUCKLES 123: “Well OK. I’ll try anything once!” (Followed by magnificent takeoff)

It’s a priceless story, as is the incident also related by David Gerber, heard late one night by Australian monitors on HF frequency 11396 USB, the busy South-East Asian channel. Various aircraft were heard _giving position reports to numerous ground stations, one of which was Bangkok Aeradio, in Thailand. The voice from Bangkok {BKK) was that of a youngish-sounding female.

After one particular aircraft had made its report, there was silence, followed by an echo-y Asian male voice. This was followed by the same young female voice easily identifiable as Bangkok, and the transmission was definitely not intended for general broadcast consumption! {The result of an accidentally bumped microphone switch-key, we think!) she started to giggle, and soon he and she were being heard alternately, in differing pitches, etc. , etc.

One didn’t have to understand ONE word of the Thai language to recognise that a bit of “slap and tickle” was going on! This lasted about one minute, after which there were some highly amused, and themselves somewhat amusing comments on the action that had preceded, from several of the high-flying jet airliner crews listening out on the frequency.

That “slip” with the microphone must have had the aircrews of the Timor, Celebes, and South China Sea area “in the aisles”, or as far “in the aisles” as is possible when you’re occupying a seat

on the flight deck of a B. 747 or DC-10! Thanks again to David Gerber. Hope to hear from you again. A reader who wishes to remain anonymous tells us the story about passengers on a domestic airline B. 727 on long-finals into Sydney International Airport which had its speed brakes deployed on the wings. Earlier, on the ground, a forgetful maintenance engineer had neglected to remove a chalked word scrawled on the speed brake as a reminder for a check, which had now been fully completed. The magic word was “C-O-R-RO-S-I-O-N”, and once the brakes were deployed, was fully visible to most of the passengers on that side of the aircraft, aft of the wing surface. The said passengers gazed in virtual stunned amazement from their windows at this horrifying word. The aircraft was completely airworthy, and there wasn’t a hint of C-OR-R-O-S-I-O-N, but at the time, nothing said would have convinced some very faint-hearted passengers!

If you’re enjoying these true tales from aloft, maybe you would like to contribute. Whether you’re an aircrew, a controller, a maintenance engineer, flight service officer, light aircraft owner, a passenger, or whatever, if you have a TRUE aviation story that is brief, amusing, and you think others would enjoy it, let’s hear from you! All airline names, registration marks, callsigns, and other identifying items will most definitely be removed before publication, and replacement names added, to keep things anonymous. You may find your story in print, and you WILL get a credit IF you indicate your desire to be credited. Go on, write to us. . it’s over to you!

Send all material to: Robert Bell, 68 Ashby Avenue, Yagoona. 2199 A few brief situations that will give you an idea of what’s required: Peter Horne from Dee Why NSW tells me that a floatplane called Sydney departures recently for clearance to land on _ the water. . . “Victor Whiskey Alpha, circuit area, Harbourville, request descent for a landing on the water. ” When the clearance was given, the aircraft acknowledged as Victor Whiskey Bravo”. Just a slip of the brain it was, but then, the pilot spoke directly to another of his company aircraft, who was ACTUALLY “Victor Whiskey Bravo”. The controller completely befuddled, said to “Victor Whiskey Alpha” “. . that floatplane, say AGAIN callsign!?!!”

The pilot said, “. . Aw, sorry Departures, we’re actually Victor Whiskey Alpha, but I called as Victor Whiskey Bravo. But next trip, I will be using Victor Whiskey Bravo!”

REPLY FROM DEPARTURES CONTROLLER: “Fair go mate!”

•

A late evening Air Freight service, after 11pm at Sydney, when a slightly more relaxed atmosphere creeps in, was told to “squawk code 3000, maintain runway heading”. The readback to the Tower was “Cock-a-doodle doo 3000, maintain runway heading!” Controller: “SAY AGAIN?” The pilot followed up with a completely straight reply, with no signs of laughter. But our correspondent Peter Horne was laughing, as were a few others no doubt.

8. 747 crewmember to his company on the 131 Mhz band. . “and we only have routine maintenance, and request ONE wheelchair, {followed by a burst of laughter), for the Captain!” {P. Horne)

And finally, Mr N. Atkins from Balgownie NSW advised he had just landed at Sydney in a PA28-140 {light aircraft), and immediately requested to be cleared to taxi back to the threshold for a take-off on the same Runway. He was holding on a taxiway on the western side of Runway 16, adjacent to the International Terminal, when he became aware of a 8. 747 coming up behind him and holding. Immediately opposite Mr Atkins, on the reciprocal taxiway from the domestic side of the airport, came a DC-9 jet. All three aircraft were on Tower frequency. All of a sudden, words that could only have come from the domestic jet were blurted out into the ether.

“DON’T STEP ON HIM!”